smelled like a public john

Andy Sharma was his name - a private dick who smelled like a public john. I was very pleased with that one and knew that Cat would have enjoyed it too, had I been able to tell it to her.

This is despite the fact that it's a very unfair smear on his name. The place only smelled like a public toilet because of his attempts to get it clean but us hard-boiled detective client types haven't got time for political correctness. If it's fairness versus a half decent one liner, the one liner wins every time. I find this a very good rule by which to live one's life.

-- Infidelity for First-Time Fathers by Mark Barrowcliffe

I want you like the sea

I want you, I thought. I want you like the sea wants a sacrifice of souls.

Now that's not the sort of thought that normally troubles my thinking tackle on the mezzanine floor of a business event, I can tell you.

In the grip of such a powerful emotion, I did the only thing I could.

"Goodbye," I said, although it may as well have been "beep beep", as I made like the roadrunner out of there. There was then a very embarrassing period while I stood by reception waiting for a cab.

-- Infidelity for First-Time Fathers by Mark Barrowcliffe

pull the ear of a sleeping pit bull

However, the penalty for leaving her sleeping was to share angst and guilt until dead, so like a boy on a bet going to pull the ear of a sleeping pit bull, I tugged her shoulder at arm's length.

She stirred and sat up, clearly still asleep. Then she lay down again and started to snore. Now from an early age I knew very well the danger of returning to lighted foreworks, as my dad had always made me throw things at them to see if they'd go off while he hid behind the old coal bunker.

-- Infidelity for First-Time Fathers by Mark Barrowcliffe